Meeting Parents Half Way

by Steven W. Anderson


If you have read any of my leadership posts in the past you know I am all about reflection. One of the most important things good leaders do is reflect. Time must be taken to think about the direction our organizations are going and if any adjustments, at any level, need to be made.

Many leaders, schools and districts have done a great job with reflection. They have looked at everything from the way kids get to school to what is done with them while they are there to teachers and the types of professional development offerings.

But...

There is one place that maybe we don’t think about much. Or it might be an afterthought. Or in some cases ignored all together.

Parents

I will admit, when I was in a leadership position (School Improvement Team Chair) when I was at the school level I didn’t think about it. Our group worried about test scores, staff morale, bullying and other topics. But, like any leader should do I have since reflected on that time I spent in that position and realized we missed chance to really think about parents and what their perceptions of our building were.

Parents should be advocates on our side. But sometimes they are seen as the enemy rather than our ally. There are lots of terms out there. Absent parents. Helicopter Parents. Parents We Love To Hate. But they are still parents. We still want to believe they have the best interests of their child in mind, just like we should.

And it isn’t just schools. Individual classrooms are that way as well. When I was in the classroom I had a teammate that refused to call parents, sit in on conferences, just about have nothing to do with them. She said her job was to teach kids and didn’t get paid enough to “deal” with parents.

The whole point of this is we have to think differently about our parents. The best ally you can have in your classroom is your parents. Think about it. When you want to do something “outside the box” it is easy for your admin to shoot you down. It’s a lot tougher for them to shoot down a room of 30 parents. (Now don’t go doing anything against your admins wishes and said it was ok because I told you so. I will deny everything.)

There is a cliche about flies and honey and vinegar that fits in here...

One of the issues with parents and schools that comes up time and time again is that many parents are bitter towards schools because of their own experiences growing up. In the current reform movement the battle cry is that our schools have virtually remained the same for the past 100 years. So this argument makes sense.

I was talking to a teacher the other day about another teacher at his school. He was saying there is a teacher there that has been there for 34 years. Quite amazing and something to be proud of. Except every year the admin in this school has trouble putting kids in her class because many of the parents had her as students and remembered their experiences and don’t want their child to have the same.

I dunno about you but I don’t think I would want to be remembered that way.

There are a lot of issues at play here with parents. But I think there are some things schools can do to be more parent friendly. And this isn’t even a list of things you can necessarily do. Just some things to think about.

Look at your building from your parents point of view. When they get there do they know where to go? Who greets them? It all comes back to customer service. Silly I know but it’s true. Even if your school secretary (or teacher) has had a bad day, the parent walking through that door doesn’t know that or the circumstances around that. Each parent that walks through those doors is a guest. We have to remember that.

When was the last time we asked parents what they really though about the classroom, teacher, school or district? If we want to be better we have to understand our weaknesses. By asking the parents what we are good at and what we could be better at we can begin to change our school culture, for the better and perhaps change minds.

How many parents are involved in major school decisions? Sure there might be a PTSA. But I mean on your School Improvement Team or Leadership Team. Do they have membership there. In NC we are required to have a parent involved on our teams. Perspective is important. And they can sometimes see things we don’t when it comes to our buildings.

What do you think? What works well in your building or your classroom when it comes to parents? What could you be doing better? Leave some comments below.

You may also want to checkout the archive from this week’s #edchat. It was all about parents and there were some really great things said and ideas toss around. 

Image CC DoctorStrange

Parents Dig Social Media

Had the opportunity to speak with several parents today about the ins and outs of a paperless classroom.

And two things struck me.

First was that they almost seemed to 'expect' that we'd be using social tech and blogging in class. It really didn't so much come as a surprise to them as it did a relief. This confirms what I've seen over the last two years: parents by-and-large are comfortable with their students using social tools in school. And as social media has become mainstream, parents have come to accept it as just another part of culture.

Second was the thing that almost every parent said was the best the about a paperless classroom: the opportunity to turn daily blogging into a digital portfolio of academic growth. Fundamentally parents understand this. After all, we are the ones who collect bits of our kids' lives in baby-books, scrap-books, and photo albums. The blog is an extension of this habit. The big difference is that the blogs are produced by the kids themselves.

Too often we teachers treat parents as 'the other'. In fact, we should remember that they are usually the ones who want the best for their kids.

So if you are willing to give their kids your best, they're willing to give you their trust. And that's a partnership worth blogging about.

A Response to 'Letter to the Teachers of My Children'

Have gotten a lot of responses from folks on this blog and on Twitter as well as in person regarding my 'Letter to the Teachers of My Children' posted last week.

Today an anonymous comment rolled in and I think it's worth taking a good long look at it:

Glad to know you know so much more than your kids' teachers do about what tbey should learn and how they should learn it. Why don't you just save the whole lot of you a bunch of trouble and home school your kids?

Now I have no idea who wrote this, but I do care a lot about what they think. Because I think if one's immediate reaction to a letter from a parent is to fall into an 'us' versus 'them' mentality where we tell parents to go homeschool their kids, then we really aren't getting anywhere in education.

Secondly, I do know more about my boys than their 3rd grade teacher. I do know how one of them clams up when in conversation with strangers and I know how the other obsesses over every little thing. I know what books they've read and what books they've thought were fluff. I know that they hate 'childrens' music' and that they think Disney sucks. I know what they look like when they are happy and I know when they are faking it (and they are good at that).

Their third grade teacher will have known them for two days; I've known them for close to nine years.

Now I have no idea whether the writer of the comment was a teacher. Maybe, maybe not. Hope not. But maybe.

Let's for the sake of discussion say it was.

Well, in that case, rather than getting huffy about somebody stepping on the toes of your profession, you'd sure as heck be better off starting to try to build closer relations with families. Because kids don't learn just because they are in a classroom; and just because the kid isn't in the classroom doesn't mean he's not learning.

I cherish every meeting I've ever had with a parent (even the one where a mother threw books and papers at me); because insight into the world of a parent and insight into the ways a parent sees their child is insight into the world of the child. And it's that child that you as teacher have the honor of spending some time with everyday.

Each kid in your class is an honor.

So don't give me some anonymous junk about "You should just homeschool your kids". I'm a teacher myself, I'm a professional, and I don't have the audacity to pretend that the parents of my kids can't help me to better teach them.

Don't be afraid to talk openly to your parents about social media

I know, one of these Tweets ain't like the others... but check out this very interesting line of discussion we were having last night re: blocking.

I'll re-order it into transcript form here:

MissMarista: @TeachPaperless how do u make sure kids don't access inappropriate content on twitter?

TeachPaperless: @MissMarista I'm sure they do occasionally. But we talk about it openly. And in class I follow their feeds and do random spot checks.

MissMarista: @TeachPaperless parents don't complain?

TeachPaperless: @MissMarista No. In fact I've had a couple of parents thank me for being the first teacher to talk w the kid honestly about the Internet.

MissMarista: @TeachPaperless gosh that's open minded. a parent at my school complained to admin after colleague showed movie containing word "damn."

TeachPaperless: @MissMarista I don't mind if they complain: it means I've got their attention. Parent complaints are opportunities for community education.

bethstill: @TeachPaperless I have had the same response from parents. They appreciate honesty!

Moral of the story: Don't be afraid to talk openly to your parents about social media.

A Note from a Parent

This really touched me today.

There is a student in one of my classes who is enormously talented but who has had across-the-board problems with motivation all year. I've changed the student's name in the following letter I received from his parent, but all I can say is that I'm constantly impressed -- if at times overwhelmed -- by the power of technology to motivate these kinds of great students who otherwise might be written off.

Thanks so much for allowing Thomas and his classmates to "Skype"(?) I am so clueless when it comes to technology, but I do know that Thomas and his cohorts studied together for hours yesterday!! I am so grateful for anything that keeps Thomas excited about his studying. May God continue to bless your work. You have already made a difference in my son's attitude towards school.